coffee cup
warming my hand
--paper's cold
bitter cold
afternoon sky filled
with birdsongs
even trees
must be too cold
to move
cat leads me
to his empty dish
at full meow
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Breaking Through... A Bit
she talks
to her dog
then sees me
sycamores
grow older
and whiter
hopping
treetop to twilight
...winter crows
are their calls
beautiful
to other crows?
lost dog note
flapping on the tree
...blown away
*******
I think I'm beginning to concentrate my thoughts and use the images better in my forays into fewer syllables.
The first one amuses me because I see a few ways of interpreting it.
BONUS EXPERIMENT:
geese call back and forth their haiku
Flying geese are often symbolic of haiku... like a couple of lines on the page of the sky.
to her dog
then sees me
sycamores
grow older
and whiter
hopping
treetop to twilight
...winter crows
are their calls
beautiful
to other crows?
lost dog note
flapping on the tree
...blown away
*******
I think I'm beginning to concentrate my thoughts and use the images better in my forays into fewer syllables.
The first one amuses me because I see a few ways of interpreting it.
BONUS EXPERIMENT:
geese call back and forth their haiku
Flying geese are often symbolic of haiku... like a couple of lines on the page of the sky.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Beautiful Day
two strollers,
one dog, three neighbors --
spring-like day
sparrows fuss
safe in a green bush
hawk just poops
here & there
evergreens curbside
-- January
on its back,
cat stretches one paw
--winter sun
window sill
a thin line of snow:
cold sunrise
snowstorm:
cardinal song
where
where
where
******
It was such a great day yesterday... high 50s, though I heard even higher from some people. I took a nice walk to a friend's house to play board games. On the way, I saw lots of people out doing things... and the Christmas trees on the curbs.
In the back yard here, there is a big old stump overgrown with honeysuckle. It's a delight when it's blooming, and even now still has a lot of green leaves -- dark green and a little withered, but still... There's a large gathering of sparrows that hangs around at the birdfeeder in a neighbor's yard. However, they often zip over to the stump/bush when they feel threatened, usually perched on top.
A hawk also travels through the neighborhood frequently. The hawk was sitting on the phone line and would swoop down every once in a while, when it had potential prey in its sites. It made one raid to the stump/bush and all the sparrows set up an alarm and just kept chirping and chirping. The hawk returned to the phone line and would turn in their direction every once in a while... then turned away and pooped.
It seemed to be making a commentary on all their commotion.
The last one is an imagined scene.
one dog, three neighbors --
spring-like day
sparrows fuss
safe in a green bush
hawk just poops
here & there
evergreens curbside
-- January
on its back,
cat stretches one paw
--winter sun
window sill
a thin line of snow:
cold sunrise
snowstorm:
cardinal song
where
where
where
******
It was such a great day yesterday... high 50s, though I heard even higher from some people. I took a nice walk to a friend's house to play board games. On the way, I saw lots of people out doing things... and the Christmas trees on the curbs.
In the back yard here, there is a big old stump overgrown with honeysuckle. It's a delight when it's blooming, and even now still has a lot of green leaves -- dark green and a little withered, but still... There's a large gathering of sparrows that hangs around at the birdfeeder in a neighbor's yard. However, they often zip over to the stump/bush when they feel threatened, usually perched on top.
A hawk also travels through the neighborhood frequently. The hawk was sitting on the phone line and would swoop down every once in a while, when it had potential prey in its sites. It made one raid to the stump/bush and all the sparrows set up an alarm and just kept chirping and chirping. The hawk returned to the phone line and would turn in their direction every once in a while... then turned away and pooped.
It seemed to be making a commentary on all their commotion.
The last one is an imagined scene.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Experiments and revisiting old work
so... still searching out different things. found a suggestion of going 3/5/3.
Japanese inherently has more syllables than English. which means that most of the words have more syllables than English words. I'm finding the demands to pare down are more rewarding, although I still don't feel like they have all that I would like in a haiku.
I took a walk and tried the "20 shells" technique I read of today. essentially, you go somewhere and write a haiku of something you observe. then another... just go into it without thinking too much... then another... and so on until you have 20 poems.
these are the best of those, with some notes, and some other pieces:
old folks' home
smiles looking out
at the snow (1)
cold sunset
dark going up to light
sycamores
pink post-it
blowing down the street
with dry leaves (2)
turned up earth
among the dead leaves
--happy squireel
dusty jars
of tomatoes
...still red
winter stew--
the garden was good
this year
winter stew--
beginning to plan
new garden
one paw
cat turns back
from door
aspen leaf
still golden
in blue ice
not all of these came from the walk, obviously.
1. it wasn't snowing, but i did go by an assisted living facility nearby and my imagination took over. I like the contrast of the warm smiles and the cold snow... and when anyone smiles looking at snow, I think they have a child's smile, so there is also the contrast of young and old.
2. again, it's the contrast. the post-it will always be an unnaturally bright color, unless it fades from sun or gets covered with mud. the leaves, on the other hand, are not as interesting to see, but they are part of the natural world.
REVISIT:
winter churchyard:
everything snow-covered
but one, small grave
don't know why I've been thinking of this one, but I have. i think this really captures the "haiku moment" as it's called. I think of the moment as a single flash of an image that should make the reader think a way into the poem.
in some ways, it may be the best haiku i've written. i think it captures the moment, but i still want to "streamline" it a little.
the image is very straightforward to me: probably a country setting, since that's where one would find a proper "churchyard," covered in snow. but the last detail sort of "zooms in" on one part of the scene. my hope is that it invites the reader to think about what has happened.
anyway... that's been on my mind, probably because i think it's pretty successful and i want to find that success with fewer syllables.
cheers!
Japanese inherently has more syllables than English. which means that most of the words have more syllables than English words. I'm finding the demands to pare down are more rewarding, although I still don't feel like they have all that I would like in a haiku.
I took a walk and tried the "20 shells" technique I read of today. essentially, you go somewhere and write a haiku of something you observe. then another... just go into it without thinking too much... then another... and so on until you have 20 poems.
these are the best of those, with some notes, and some other pieces:
old folks' home
smiles looking out
at the snow (1)
cold sunset
dark going up to light
sycamores
pink post-it
blowing down the street
with dry leaves (2)
turned up earth
among the dead leaves
--happy squireel
dusty jars
of tomatoes
...still red
winter stew--
the garden was good
this year
winter stew--
beginning to plan
new garden
one paw
cat turns back
from door
aspen leaf
still golden
in blue ice
not all of these came from the walk, obviously.
1. it wasn't snowing, but i did go by an assisted living facility nearby and my imagination took over. I like the contrast of the warm smiles and the cold snow... and when anyone smiles looking at snow, I think they have a child's smile, so there is also the contrast of young and old.
2. again, it's the contrast. the post-it will always be an unnaturally bright color, unless it fades from sun or gets covered with mud. the leaves, on the other hand, are not as interesting to see, but they are part of the natural world.
REVISIT:
winter churchyard:
everything snow-covered
but one, small grave
don't know why I've been thinking of this one, but I have. i think this really captures the "haiku moment" as it's called. I think of the moment as a single flash of an image that should make the reader think a way into the poem.
in some ways, it may be the best haiku i've written. i think it captures the moment, but i still want to "streamline" it a little.
the image is very straightforward to me: probably a country setting, since that's where one would find a proper "churchyard," covered in snow. but the last detail sort of "zooms in" on one part of the scene. my hope is that it invites the reader to think about what has happened.
anyway... that's been on my mind, probably because i think it's pretty successful and i want to find that success with fewer syllables.
cheers!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
experiments
I read a suggestion that to write haiku inEnglish in a manner more similar to Japanese haiku, the syllable count should probably be more like 2/3/2, so I've been trying it. Admittedly, it's only been one day of trying it, and I can see some merit in it -- it concentrates the image at the same time it leaves it more suggestive. I don't feel like I've really "broken through" to finding strong poems out of it, but I'm willing to share what I've done so far...
cold wind --
seeing you...
lip balm
twilight --
my curtain
open
squirrel drops
birdfeeder
flutters
streetlight
flickers on
bare tree
headlights
neighbor's dog
watching
And one inspired by my friend Shonda:
my desk
paper cranes
only ten
cold wind --
seeing you...
lip balm
twilight --
my curtain
open
squirrel drops
birdfeeder
flutters
streetlight
flickers on
bare tree
headlights
neighbor's dog
watching
And one inspired by my friend Shonda:
my desk
paper cranes
only ten
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
bare tree-tops
blending into the dark sky ...
twilight... ending...
a still winter night
the moon looks frozen
in the fog
even in winter
honysuckle bush quivers
with sparrows
winter sunrise..
treetop has only birds
in the first light
****************************
Got a lovely e-card from a friend that was about the hope that spring can bring... needing the hope right now, needing the spring.
So, I ordered these to move from cold and dark to the hope of light returning, of warmth and possibility.
blending into the dark sky ...
twilight... ending...
a still winter night
the moon looks frozen
in the fog
even in winter
honysuckle bush quivers
with sparrows
winter sunrise..
treetop has only birds
in the first light
****************************
Got a lovely e-card from a friend that was about the hope that spring can bring... needing the hope right now, needing the spring.
So, I ordered these to move from cold and dark to the hope of light returning, of warmth and possibility.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)