Experiments and revisiting old work

so... still searching out different things. found a suggestion of going 3/5/3.

Japanese inherently has more syllables than English. which means that most of the words have more syllables than English words. I'm finding the demands to pare down are more rewarding, although I still don't feel like they have all that I would like in a haiku.

I took a walk and tried the "20 shells" technique I read of today. essentially, you go somewhere and write a haiku of something you observe. then another... just go into it without thinking too much... then another... and so on until you have 20 poems.

these are the best of those, with some notes, and some other pieces:

old folks' home
smiles looking out
at the snow (1)

cold sunset
dark going up to light
sycamores

pink post-it
blowing down the street
with dry leaves (2)

turned up earth
among the dead leaves
--happy squireel

dusty jars
of tomatoes
...still red

winter stew--
the garden was good
this year

winter stew--
beginning to plan
new garden

one paw
cat turns back
from door

aspen leaf
still golden
in blue ice



not all of these came from the walk, obviously.

1. it wasn't snowing, but i did go by an assisted living facility nearby and my imagination took over. I like the contrast of the warm smiles and the cold snow... and when anyone smiles looking at snow, I think they have a child's smile, so there is also the contrast of young and old.

2. again, it's the contrast. the post-it will always be an unnaturally bright color, unless it fades from sun or gets covered with mud. the leaves, on the other hand, are not as interesting to see, but they are part of the natural world.

REVISIT:

winter churchyard:
everything snow-covered
but one, small grave

don't know why I've been thinking of this one, but I have. i think this really captures the "haiku moment" as it's called. I think of the moment as a single flash of an image that should make the reader think a way into the poem.

in some ways, it may be the best haiku i've written. i think it captures the moment, but i still want to "streamline" it a little.

the image is very straightforward to me: probably a country setting, since that's where one would find a proper "churchyard," covered in snow. but the last detail sort of "zooms in" on one part of the scene. my hope is that it invites the reader to think about what has happened.

anyway... that's been on my mind, probably because i think it's pretty successful and i want to find that success with fewer syllables.

cheers!